M rang the local pub to ask if I was there . I was actually at home when she rang but she was asking after her husband and not "the other guy" ( me ,sitting in the living room)
Then she rang my daughter who is two hours drive away. My son in law told her that I had been there but I was now on my way home. He hadnt thought it through because my wife decided she was going to wait up till her husband got home. It was almost 11 at night. When I reminded her it was a two hour drive and in the dark,she said she didnt mind.
I was told I could sleep in one of the spare bedrooms. So of course after I had put the light out and fallen asleep I was woken to be told in a loud voice that she had been waiting up for me for the last hour and it was totally selfish of me to come in and go straight up to bed. She also wanted to know why I was sleeping in the spare bedroom.
Thursday, 22 September 2011
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Dont go away
Ok thats it , Im sticking with this Blog
but this entry wont be long ( so I lied in my last Post)
This afternoon M wanted to take the dogs (2) out for their afternoon mooch around. That meant she couldnt leave me alone in the house - dont forget that sometimes Im me (her husband) and sometimes Im "the other guy"
So I said "Ok I will get a little excercise and take a cycle ride while you walk the dogs"
She very unwillingly accepted this because she didnt want any possible damage done to her husbands bike.
I wasnt really dressed for the weather and instead of going towards town where there is more shelter,I headed out into the wide open spaces. And when it rained I got very wet. I stood up under a tree and got home an hour later.
I was locked out and although I keep a back door key on me now ,she had put a spare key in the lock frm the other side.
She refused to let me in but then relented.
Does this mean Im going to have to hide all the keys.
Ive left her car keys lying around and thats a bit stupid because her licence has expired and she is not named on the Insurance policy on the car. She actually did receive a reminder about renewing her licence . It arrived around the same time she got a letter saying "in view of your recent dignosis of dementia we strongly advise you not to drive"
I threw the reminder in the bin before she saw it (so her licence lapsed)
She threw the "dementia" letter in the bin declaring that there was nothing wrong with her. The letter was insensitive and inaccurate - she had been diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease some 20 months previously
I will gradually catch up on previous "events"
but this entry wont be long ( so I lied in my last Post)
This afternoon M wanted to take the dogs (2) out for their afternoon mooch around. That meant she couldnt leave me alone in the house - dont forget that sometimes Im me (her husband) and sometimes Im "the other guy"
So I said "Ok I will get a little excercise and take a cycle ride while you walk the dogs"
She very unwillingly accepted this because she didnt want any possible damage done to her husbands bike.
I wasnt really dressed for the weather and instead of going towards town where there is more shelter,I headed out into the wide open spaces. And when it rained I got very wet. I stood up under a tree and got home an hour later.
I was locked out and although I keep a back door key on me now ,she had put a spare key in the lock frm the other side.
She refused to let me in but then relented.
Does this mean Im going to have to hide all the keys.
Ive left her car keys lying around and thats a bit stupid because her licence has expired and she is not named on the Insurance policy on the car. She actually did receive a reminder about renewing her licence . It arrived around the same time she got a letter saying "in view of your recent dignosis of dementia we strongly advise you not to drive"
I threw the reminder in the bin before she saw it (so her licence lapsed)
She threw the "dementia" letter in the bin declaring that there was nothing wrong with her. The letter was insensitive and inaccurate - she had been diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease some 20 months previously
I will gradually catch up on previous "events"
Ooooops
I'm particularly useless at this Blogging thing
I started this Blog ,then when I couldnt access it I started another. Now I cant access the other
Im sorry if you are reading this for the first time because I really have to go in search of the other Blog otherwise I will be posting in two.
I started the Blog as a way of "plotting" my wifes decline.
That may sound Mmmmmm I dont know what it sounds.
I just know that if I look back a year ,things have changed but dont ask me to say when changes take place because one day merges into the next.
But changes there are....
If and when I find the "other" Blog I will come back and post a link to it
If not then my next entry here will be a pretty big summary of how we got from "I think there is something wrong but I cant put a finger on it" to "Every day there is some incident"
I started this Blog ,then when I couldnt access it I started another. Now I cant access the other
Im sorry if you are reading this for the first time because I really have to go in search of the other Blog otherwise I will be posting in two.
I started the Blog as a way of "plotting" my wifes decline.
That may sound Mmmmmm I dont know what it sounds.
I just know that if I look back a year ,things have changed but dont ask me to say when changes take place because one day merges into the next.
But changes there are....
If and when I find the "other" Blog I will come back and post a link to it
If not then my next entry here will be a pretty big summary of how we got from "I think there is something wrong but I cant put a finger on it" to "Every day there is some incident"
Saturday, 13 August 2011
Do I repeat myself
If I do its because I dont read what Ive written before when I open a new post
And because there are so many similarities between events its hard to remember what happened on a particular day
Although things do seem to go in cycles. Maureen says that the worst thing she ever did was to move here. Then she will say we were lucky to get this house. Then she wants to move back south but its too late to do anything about it now. And besides she couldnt do it on her own
Its nice of me to come and visit but she couldnt ask for my help to move,
Apparently she was moved up here by her eployer when she was a teenager , and she has regretted doing nothing about moving back when everyone who moved here with her moved back
The Community Nurse paid her annual visit to us last month and gave Maureen the standard "Intelligence" test. Last year she scored 21/40. this year it was 16/40
The following week we got a letter to say that in view of Maureens recent diagnosis of Dementia they strongly recommended that she shoulnt drive.
First of all Maureen was diagnosed 20 months ago, and it struck me as insensitive to write to a Dementia/Alzheimers sufferer ( who denies the fact) in this way. Talk about stir things up. Maureen tore the letter up.
I dont have the heart to tell her that her driving licence has expired and she is no longer insured.
So what else has happened>
Maureen will start (as she did ) by asking me why I am here , or what I am doing here. I try to dodge the question by saying something "funny" but this particular evening i said "Dont ask because you dont like the answer" Wwithin five minutes she was shouting at me
"This is my house not yours
You have no right to be here
I want you out
Im calling the police
I want you out of my house now
So pack your bags and leave
You are not staying in this house" etc etc
Then all went quiet.
I saw her taking the dogs upstairs
and called out "have you taken the dogs outside" ( for a pee last thing at night)
She said "Ive taken them"
Shortly after she came to tell me that one of the dogs had peed on our bed but she had seen to it
I went upstairs to find she had dabbed it with kitchen towel and the duvet cover and duvet were both wet.
When I said "We wil lhave to change the cover and duvet" she said they were fine.
I told her I wasnt sleeping in that bed
So I went to bed in another bedroom
An hour later she woke me up
"what are you doing here, ive been standing on the landing for the last hour waiting for you to come up" She was fully dressed
I said "well you can either sleep here or in your own bed"
She said "Well you can sleep here all the time then.
Fine!"
Throughout all of these exchanges Im being told what a horrible nasty individual I am.
After she hid all the house and car keys I took a set and put them on a key ring which I keep on me at all times. Maureen saw it and wanted to know why I had keys to her house and her can when they ad nothing to do with me. I shouldnt have keys to someone elses property and car
Again following the Communiy nurses visit the Psychologist recommended anti depressants for Maureen. She refused to take them The offer of a day a week at a day centre was also refused.
And so we soldier on. I wish Maureen would say "I feel there is something wrong with me" then we could talk about it ,even if she forgot.
the dogs had their hair cut on thursday in a location that takes us an hour to get to. They know maureen has Alzheimers so she sits and has coffee with the lady of the house. So the dogs are now waling aroud looking smart. But today Maureen says "We are going to get the dogs hair cut today."
She mixes the two dogs up and calls one by the others name.
So many small things ...
And because there are so many similarities between events its hard to remember what happened on a particular day
Although things do seem to go in cycles. Maureen says that the worst thing she ever did was to move here. Then she will say we were lucky to get this house. Then she wants to move back south but its too late to do anything about it now. And besides she couldnt do it on her own
Its nice of me to come and visit but she couldnt ask for my help to move,
Apparently she was moved up here by her eployer when she was a teenager , and she has regretted doing nothing about moving back when everyone who moved here with her moved back
The Community Nurse paid her annual visit to us last month and gave Maureen the standard "Intelligence" test. Last year she scored 21/40. this year it was 16/40
The following week we got a letter to say that in view of Maureens recent diagnosis of Dementia they strongly recommended that she shoulnt drive.
First of all Maureen was diagnosed 20 months ago, and it struck me as insensitive to write to a Dementia/Alzheimers sufferer ( who denies the fact) in this way. Talk about stir things up. Maureen tore the letter up.
I dont have the heart to tell her that her driving licence has expired and she is no longer insured.
So what else has happened>
Maureen will start (as she did ) by asking me why I am here , or what I am doing here. I try to dodge the question by saying something "funny" but this particular evening i said "Dont ask because you dont like the answer" Wwithin five minutes she was shouting at me
"This is my house not yours
You have no right to be here
I want you out
Im calling the police
I want you out of my house now
So pack your bags and leave
You are not staying in this house" etc etc
Then all went quiet.
I saw her taking the dogs upstairs
and called out "have you taken the dogs outside" ( for a pee last thing at night)
She said "Ive taken them"
Shortly after she came to tell me that one of the dogs had peed on our bed but she had seen to it
I went upstairs to find she had dabbed it with kitchen towel and the duvet cover and duvet were both wet.
When I said "We wil lhave to change the cover and duvet" she said they were fine.
I told her I wasnt sleeping in that bed
So I went to bed in another bedroom
An hour later she woke me up
"what are you doing here, ive been standing on the landing for the last hour waiting for you to come up" She was fully dressed
I said "well you can either sleep here or in your own bed"
She said "Well you can sleep here all the time then.
Fine!"
Throughout all of these exchanges Im being told what a horrible nasty individual I am.
After she hid all the house and car keys I took a set and put them on a key ring which I keep on me at all times. Maureen saw it and wanted to know why I had keys to her house and her can when they ad nothing to do with me. I shouldnt have keys to someone elses property and car
Again following the Communiy nurses visit the Psychologist recommended anti depressants for Maureen. She refused to take them The offer of a day a week at a day centre was also refused.
And so we soldier on. I wish Maureen would say "I feel there is something wrong with me" then we could talk about it ,even if she forgot.
the dogs had their hair cut on thursday in a location that takes us an hour to get to. They know maureen has Alzheimers so she sits and has coffee with the lady of the house. So the dogs are now waling aroud looking smart. But today Maureen says "We are going to get the dogs hair cut today."
She mixes the two dogs up and calls one by the others name.
So many small things ...
Monday, 11 July 2011
On and On
Ive said it before that if you post it sounds as if you are complaining when you are NOT the one with the problem
But Ive also said I post to plot the profress of the disease. And if the disease never gets better, then its hard not to be posting negative stuff. The experts will give you Brochures with heart warming tales of how carers stimulate , or keep their loved one cheerful and positive and feeling loved. And there are nice pictures of silver haired smiling ladies and their warm cuddly carer
Well my loved one has dyed hair and Im bald.
The most recent examples (again just as a way of reminding myself where we are today)
This morning I took our two miniature schnauzers for their morning walk. Ive done this every day for the last 14 years except when I was away on holiday or in hospital. We got caught in the rain without the dogs rain coats.And although we stood under trees,we still came home wet.
I was told I had taken the dogs out without permission and My wife always took the dogs out (she says) and last week I took her car to the dog walk without her permission. The dogs got lots of sympathy for being wet. I got none.
Last evening my wife sat and scoffed chocolates she had been given for her birthday ( thats fine they are her chocolates) but I said "steady on, youre fair scoffing away". I had one chocolate
This morning "some pig has eaten most of the chocolates from this box"
Last week the Community nurse came. She is supposed to come once a year to check Maureens blood pressure and weight and see how she is generally. As a result of her visit,it was suggested that Maureen might benefit from anti depressant tablets. I put them out each night for the last three nights and my wife has refused to take them on the grounds that she takes enough tablets already and a tablet that small cant possibly do any good and in any event she is not depresssed so they are a waste of time.
In the last two weeks she has gone crying to our neighbours about the horrible nasty man who is living in the house (me) and she wants him out now.
She lost all the house keys and in the course of the general search,she retrieved them one by one.
She told me she wasnt going to take any more medication and she had thrown out all her tablets because therre was nothing wrong with her. In fact she had hidden the tablets.
She takes a shower about once a week now telling me that lots of people dont have showers and that she has a "good wash every morning"
It gets me down. After an arguement I dont want to talk to her ,but after a while she has forgotten the arguement although she knows from my silence that something is wrong.
The Community Nurse had suggested (again) that Maureen might like to go to a Day Centre ( to meet other people and socialise). Maureen again refused saying she was perfectly happy at home with me and the dogs.
Every day she asks if I know when "Steve" went out or where he has gone or what time he will be home and sometimes she sets an extra place at table for him. "Steve" is her husband . I am apparently a guest or a friend. This is one of the reasons she gets upset if I do something round the house like painting or cleaning,because you wouldnt ask someone to stay in your house and then let them paint or clean the place
When she is ironing she will separate out "Steves" shirts and socks or pantsfrom mine
She has stopped cooking.
But Ive also said I post to plot the profress of the disease. And if the disease never gets better, then its hard not to be posting negative stuff. The experts will give you Brochures with heart warming tales of how carers stimulate , or keep their loved one cheerful and positive and feeling loved. And there are nice pictures of silver haired smiling ladies and their warm cuddly carer
Well my loved one has dyed hair and Im bald.
The most recent examples (again just as a way of reminding myself where we are today)
This morning I took our two miniature schnauzers for their morning walk. Ive done this every day for the last 14 years except when I was away on holiday or in hospital. We got caught in the rain without the dogs rain coats.And although we stood under trees,we still came home wet.
I was told I had taken the dogs out without permission and My wife always took the dogs out (she says) and last week I took her car to the dog walk without her permission. The dogs got lots of sympathy for being wet. I got none.
Last evening my wife sat and scoffed chocolates she had been given for her birthday ( thats fine they are her chocolates) but I said "steady on, youre fair scoffing away". I had one chocolate
This morning "some pig has eaten most of the chocolates from this box"
Last week the Community nurse came. She is supposed to come once a year to check Maureens blood pressure and weight and see how she is generally. As a result of her visit,it was suggested that Maureen might benefit from anti depressant tablets. I put them out each night for the last three nights and my wife has refused to take them on the grounds that she takes enough tablets already and a tablet that small cant possibly do any good and in any event she is not depresssed so they are a waste of time.
In the last two weeks she has gone crying to our neighbours about the horrible nasty man who is living in the house (me) and she wants him out now.
She lost all the house keys and in the course of the general search,she retrieved them one by one.
She told me she wasnt going to take any more medication and she had thrown out all her tablets because therre was nothing wrong with her. In fact she had hidden the tablets.
She takes a shower about once a week now telling me that lots of people dont have showers and that she has a "good wash every morning"
It gets me down. After an arguement I dont want to talk to her ,but after a while she has forgotten the arguement although she knows from my silence that something is wrong.
The Community Nurse had suggested (again) that Maureen might like to go to a Day Centre ( to meet other people and socialise). Maureen again refused saying she was perfectly happy at home with me and the dogs.
Every day she asks if I know when "Steve" went out or where he has gone or what time he will be home and sometimes she sets an extra place at table for him. "Steve" is her husband . I am apparently a guest or a friend. This is one of the reasons she gets upset if I do something round the house like painting or cleaning,because you wouldnt ask someone to stay in your house and then let them paint or clean the place
When she is ironing she will separate out "Steves" shirts and socks or pantsfrom mine
She has stopped cooking.
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
Hello Again
I had already posted to this Blog several times ,but when I looked today, there was someting wrong and some Posts were missing.
I deleed everything and decided to start again
I deleed everything and decided to start again
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